Crickets and Birds

For the past week, I have been getting up pre-dawn for sunrise walks. In some sense, this has been my attempt to fit in exercise during the time of day that I'm most likely to do it. By the afternoons, I've become exhausted from hours spent preparing for the upcoming school year; walking at the end of a long day, rather than at the beginning, is just not easy. In addition to giving me some exercise, though, my time in the morning has proven a welcome chance to be reflective and meditative, not only about our baby and her impending arrival, but about life in general. It's been breathtakingly gorgeous outside this week. The mornings have been cool, and I've been accompanied by the songs of crickets and birds and the first rays of light the day has to offer. Occasionally I'll pass other walkers or runners, many of whom look at my belly and smile as they go by. When we first found out I was pregnant, it was like we were initiated into a club that we never knew (and couldn't have known) existed. Suddenly, we had things in common with people that we'd never before connected with, and we were privy to conversations and relationships that we'd previously been unable to participate in. Each stage of the pregnancy has brought a new sense of belonging to this club, but in the morning I find myself a member of a different sort of club. There is no doubt in my mind that the people who get up with the sun to take part for a moment in the renewal of days are on to something special. I always struggle to access my spirituality; I don't locate it in services or traditional rituals, but dawn seems to work for me. The walks definitely awaken something that otherwise is missing. On the mornings when I've found it daunting to get up in the dark (and it's hard to believe we're already in the time of year when it's dark before 6am), I remind myself that these are my last few weeks to have this time alone...at least for a while. Perhaps someday soon the baby will join me on these journeys; I'm sure we'll be up! But for now, I'm going to continue enjoying the opportunity to think about some things that I've never had to face; asking myself deeper questions opens me up to new ways of being in the world. It's brought a breath of fresh air and has made life more joyful. Taking a moment to participate in the creation of my day as we create a new life is powerful. I'm touched by the metaphor of these "dawns" I'm experiencing, and I think it's true...the real trick to life is not to be in the know, but to be in the mystery...

"It doesn't have to be the blue iris. It could be weeds in a vacant lot, or a few small stones. Just pay attention, then patch a few words together and don't try to make them elaborate. This isn't a contest, but the doorway into thanks, and a silence in which another voice may speak." (Mary Oliver)