De Quervain's Tenosynovitis

De Quervain's Tenosynovitis is the official and fancy name of what I have been calling "mommy wrist." Right after Maddy was born, I started to experience some discomfort near the base of my right thumb. After largely ignoring the problem for nine weeks, the pain has reached near epic proportions. According to the orthopedist I saw this morning, the condition is caused by repeatedly picking up a child under the arms and hauling around heavy infant car seats. Though my dad correctly diagnosed the problem a few weeks ago, my functioning has continued to deteriorate. I admit that this is due, in part, to lack of compliance on my part. It's hard to wear a splint as I try to care for Maddy, and remembering to take medication multiple times a day has proven difficult (my memory issues are a definite symptom of parental exhaustion, even though I feel I'm adjusting to the lack of sleep). So now, after my jaunt to the doctor's and a rather painful shot of cortisone to the area, I am equipped with prescriptions for anti-inflammatory drugs, vicodin, and physical therapy. I am also sporting a spiffy, custom-made splint that makes it near impossible to do anything! Who knew that motherhood could be so painful?!

An interesting twist to this unfortunate situation is the fact that my treatment is making it impossible to nurse because the drugs will find their way into the breastmilk. I have been told that I can "pump and dump" to maintain my supply, but Maddy is officially on formula for the next week and I am officially faced with the decision of whether to continue with breastfeeding or not. I have been struggling with this since Maddy was born, but now that I have a real reason to give it up, I find that I remain hugely reluctant. I cling to the hope the one day I'll actually enjoy breastfeeding. Once in a while, nursing goes really well and it is simply delicious. However, most of the time it continues to be a nuisance that I tolerate and endure out of a sincere belief that breastmilk is the best food for the baby; I think breastmilk is to formula what Kobe beef is to a Quarter Pounder. Admittedly, since I love McDonald's this is likely not the best analogy, but you catch my drift. I really don't know how to overcome the guilt and regret that I fear with haunt me if I don't try to maintain my milk supply this week so I can go back to breastfeeding. I guess it comes from the fact that I want to be able to make the choice at any moment: do I nurse or do I give formula? Once I decide not to breastfeed anymore, no option will exist. Am I really ready to give that up?

Tomorrow we go to the pediatrician, and I suppose I can ask for some advice from her doctor. Maddy is getting her first round of immunizations. I am feeling some anxiety over this, not because I worry about her developing any neuro-psychological problems from preservatives (I'm pretty sure that myth has been debunked by clinical research), but because I'm not sure how she'll react to the experience. I've been told to expect her to cry like I've never heard her cry before and to fall asleep for about 12 hours. The first part I obviously am not thrilled with. The second part I think I could manage! Though Maddy is sleeping for longer stretches, it really seems inconsistent. Some nights she'll go 6 hours without waking up (rare, but true). Other nights she gets up frequently. The unpredictability is torture! Again, I think this has to to with nursing and the fact that she likely doesn't get what she needs from me when I breastfeed without supplementation. If I only nurse, she gets hungry more frequently. I also suspect this is leading to some fussiness during the day since she is tired. If nothing more, this week of formula will give me the opportunity to explore whether it makes a difference for her in terms of gas, sleep habits, and general moodiness. I'm sure I'll update the blog with news of tomorrow's appointment. For now, I have to run and fill that prescription. I am staying in Andover this week to care for my parents' dogs while they are soaking up the sun in Mexico (lucky them!) Ethan is staying in Watertown since it makes the most sense with work and commuting. This means he has five nights of uninterrupted sleep to look forward to (lucky him!) My sister, Becca, is staying with me in Andover tonight, which means that I can actually take some pain medication that might knock me out for a few hours. Perhaps I'm lucky, too!

More to come, also, on the childcare crisis that we've been going through the past 10 days! I am waiting for some kind of resolution before I process the experience and write about it on the blog. Look forward to the drama!