Before and After

There are defining moments in all of our lives that act as boundary markers between the "before" and "after." Having a baby is one of them. Before they arrive, nothing can prepare you for the transformation that is about to take place. You are irrevocably changed, born anew yourself as your old life falls away and your new life starts to take shape. I can barely remember what my days were like a mere nine months ago, though I am certain they were a lot less joyful and a lot more relaxing! Today is Maddy's nine-month birthday, and we marked the occasion with our second swim lesson at the YMCA and a trip to Portrait Simple for some glamour shots. She is crawling like a champ at this point, constantly on the move and always, ALWAYS keenly observing the world around her. Watching her interact with the environment is fascinating; we can actually see her process and learn as she gleefully (at least most of the time) explores every nook and cranny of her waking life. She also eats a diet that consists mostly of Cheerios and the occasional spoonful of fruits or veggies that we can sneak in as she lifts them to her mouth!

We have had another defining moment during the past ten days, spurred on by a mere two words that themselves closed the door on our old life and welcomed us into unchartered waters: multiple sclerosis. This is the preliminary diagnosis Ethan received last week, immediately following a spinal tap that was meant to definitively rule out all other possibilities and to finally illuminate what it is we are dealing with. As it turns out, the diagnosis itself was a lot less challenging to manage than the post-LP spinal headaches that have disabled Ethan and kept him horizontal nearly every moment of this past week. I cannot even begin to describe how hard this has been (on both of us, for obviously very different reasons), though we continue to persist in our efforts to stay positive and optimistic. The doctor's prognosis for Ethan was excellent; we've been told that he has every hope of living a normal life with MS, which today is an entirely treatable and manageable disease. He was given a course of IV steroids last weekend; however, he has yet to recover full feeling, sensation, and strength in his lower body. We were told that it could take months for him to feel better, but already our anxiety has diminished somewhat knowing that, in the end, he will be just fine. We are waiting for the results of his spinal tap to come back and to have the diagnosis confirmed by Ethan's neurologist, which will hopefully happen later this week. Though Dr. Warriner told us that there is a slight chance he will need to "upgrade" the diagnosis based on the test results, he nevertheless reassured us that no matter what, Ethan's condition is treatable. In the meantime, Ethan is focused on recovering from the spinal tap and I am focused on taking care of the family...and myself. I have been trying to get to the gym on a regular basis, which is helping me to vent some of the inevitable frustration I am feeling as a result of recent events, and I have also been experimenting with vegetarian and vegan cooking. Favorites so far have included a number of dishes involving zucchini, which I have never much appreciated but am developing a new fondness for. I did take a break from cooking tonight, as it has involved quite a bit of clean-up...another thing I have never much appreciated! It was nice to have dinner delivered and to relax a bit, which we will hopefully be doing more of this weekend as we celebrate the Fourth of July and think about freedom and independence in a whole new way.