After being away for a full 11 days, Ethan is now on his way back to Watertown. I am glad that this venture is over. Having Ethan gone made me realize how much he has done to support me throughout this pregnancy. In addition to fulfilling myriad domestic responsibilities (scooping the litter box, taking care of the trash and recycling, vacuuming up cat hair, cooking me dinner, etc...all of which I've been responsible for while he's away), he has made himself very available to comfort me physically and emotionally. I am so immeasurably happy to have him return and am literally counting the minutes until he arrives back home! Of course, he did pick a good time to go away. The past week and a half has been incredibly busy as I've transitioned back to school and have tried to prepare myself and my classroom for the start of a new year. I find Ethan infinitely more entertaining and enjoyable than curriculum writing and general organization. Had he been around, I certainly would have been less productive. I also have to say that our cats have been quite companionable during Ethan's absence. Charlie, in particular, has been by my side most moments I'm at home and has slept with me every night. I know this because I haven't been able to roll over or move without bumping into him or getting a friendly swat of the paw! Nevertheless, it is a relief that Ethan is returning. He has been away a lot this summer enjoying his friends and helping them to celebrate weddings and the end of their bachelorhoods, but now that is mostly coming to an end. And I am very happy to report that Wee-Dogg did NOT attempt an early debut while Ethan was traveling!
There are so many things to be grateful and excited for right now. I have been thinking a lot about all of the things that I am looking forward to about our impending parenthood. Below is my Top Ten list...in no particular order...
1. Finally having a chance to meet the baby face-to-face.
2. Having conversations with friends and family about who the baby looks like.
3. The feeling of the baby snuggling into our arms and knowing how much we'll comfort her when she needs it.
4. Hearing Ethan sing to the baby and talk to her in his many funny voices.
5. Learning to communicate with the baby and maybe even learning some sign language.
6. Getting the baby dressed in the morning; her clothes are so cute!
7. Going into the hospital as a couple and coming out as a family.
8. The first time she smiles.
9. Falling in love with the baby and being reminded of all the reasons I love Ethan as much as I do.
10. Becoming a mother and watching our family step into and embrace their new roles as granparents, uncles, and aunts.
I'm sure there will be more things to add to that list. And, obviously, I have many concerns and fears about the life we are about to enter. Here is that Top Ten list...in no particular order...
1. Not having enough money.
2. Not having enough time, or feeling like I've lost control of how I spend my time.
3. Exhaustion.
4. Forgetting to nurture my marriage.
5. Being on maternity leave and feeling bored.
6. Not wanting to go back to work and feeling resentful.
7. Feeling overwhelmed by all the demands on us as new parents.
8. Feeling overly vulnerable to the suggestions/comments/criticisms of others.
9. Experiencing a difficult or traumatic birth.
10. The compromised health or development of the baby.
It's important to have an opportunity to articulate these thoughts and feelings. The more honest we can be with one another and ourselves about how we are coping with and adjusting to the transitions we are going through, the more likely it is that we'll be able to celebrate the joys and support each other through the difficult moments. I don't worry about having as much anxiety/concern as I do excitement and what that might mean about me as a mother-to-be, because what I also have a lot of right now is love...within and without...and in the words of Howard Thurman: "Love has no awareness of merit or demerit; it has no scale. Love loves; that is its nature." I say...bring it on and bring it all!
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