You Can Never Go Back

We are three (almost four) days into February vacation and Ethan and I have the night off courtesy of Bubbe and Papa, who agreed to take on "Lady Madelyn" (as my father likes to call her) for nearly twenty-four hours. Faced with this epic chunk of child-free time, Ethan and I are completely paralyzed by the vast array of choices that are available to us as we contemplate how to spend these precious moments. There are so many things to do; can we reasonably choose leisure over the practicality of dealing with those mundane tasks that so often get cast aside during the fray of our day-to-day schedule? If we choose to commit ourselves to only that which we enjoy, we inevitably face the guilt and torment of ignoring the pile of laundry (both literally and figuratively) that needs attention. On the other hand, spending our time doing anything other than having fun would breed resentment and angst over having wasted such a glorious opportunity. But, with only a finite amount of time sans baby, it's hard to choose which leisure activities to prioritize. Do we read or go to a movie? Sleep in or go out for breakfast? When there are so few choices inherent to our normal routine, the emergent possibilities seem utterly daunting.

Before we had Maddy I always thought that the opportunities afforded to us by nearby family would liberate us, if only for a moment, from the confines of parenthood for a few blissful hours. This just isn't so! The truth is, once those little babies come, you can NEVER go back to your previous life, not even for a moment. There is no escape from your children. When we arrived home to our apartment, it seemed totally vacant and lonely without the shrieks and giggles of our toddler. When I went to bed, ecstatic at the prospect of uninterrupted sleep, I found one of Maddy's socks and a binky shoved under my pillow. I was immediately sentimental and worried about whether she had gone to sleep with little fuss, if she had eaten enough for dinner, and whether she had fretted over our absence or the disruption of her bedtime rituals. I never truly worry for a second about her actual well-being, and I realize the concerns delineated above are a sign of how truly fortunate and blessed we are in our lives, but nevertheless...you can never go back!

For those of you wondering why there has been a dearth of pictures lately, please see the following montage. It has been increasingly difficult to get Maddy to sit for pictures; she'd much rather pursue the camera as an object of interest than BE the object of interest!








Nevertheless, there have been some precious moments these past few weeks that we've managed to capture on film. She may not be particularly interested in sitting and posing for the camera, but she's a wonder to behold!